Worrying

Tonight is just my night full of worry.  Every now and again my anxiety gets like this, and my brain just goes on massive overdrive.  I have two dogs at home.  One is my 16, almost 17 year old mutt.  The other is my soon to be 9 year old beagle that we just got in November.  My 16 year old has been having some neurological problems for a few years now in his back end and he also has a blocked gland on his tail.  The gland has given us nothing but a problem lately, and it doesn't help that we have a purebred beagle that just sniffs and attacks blood at all costs.  He chewed a hole in a pair of jeans that had blood on them.  He can be such a nutcase LOL.  Well, this sore on my 16 y/o dog's tail now has an ulcer on it and he is just so miserable lately.  It is killing me because I know that his days are starting to become numbered.  He is having a harder time getting up and down the stairs, he is falling more, and he is just not a fan of the beagle, so I don't think that is doing him any good.  I'm so afraid that within the next month we are going to have to put him down because we have had him for 15, almost 16 years.  More than half of my life.  I know that he has had a good life, but he is still my baby, my puppy, my boy.  I'm just really heartbroken over that right now.  

I'm also worrying about my relationship with LegalQuad.  He graduates in May with his law degree and takes the Bar exam in July.  After that, I don't know what exactly is going to happen.  The most likely situation though is that he is going to move back towards home, which instead of being 2 1/2 hours away from me, will make him 6 hours away from me.  And it just makes me so sad to think that that will be the case.  Because it won't be so easy to see each other.  Skype dates are great, yeah.  And we are lucky enough that right now we can Skype at least 4/5 days out of the week.  But I know that things are going to be changing, and really soon in the grand scheme of things.  And it really worries and upsets me.  And of course I'm afraid to bring it up, BIG SURPRISE!  The distance kills me already.  I was there the last two weekends with him, and on the ride home Sunday, I cried probably 2 1/2 hours straight.  I literally just couldn't stop.  Because I wanted nothing more than to just be there and stay with him.  Because with him, everything just seems right.  Everything fits.  We just fit together like two peas in a pod.  I have finally reached a level of acceptance about him having aides around a good portion of the time, and his needs, especially in the morning and at night.  I am very thankful for them, and he has some really great aides right now.  

I just don't want to lose him because of distance.  I don't graduate until May of 2017.  And I will be student teaching that Spring.  I know in my heart that it will all work out in the long run.  But right now, I am just stressing over the unknown.  And I can't even bare to verbalize it all.  Because it's just so jumbled and unknown at this point.  I know I shouldn't be worked up about this, because right now, I don't even know when I'm going to see him again.  It's just all so overwhelming right now.  In less than a month we will celebrate our 6 month anniversary.  Well, I will at least because I'm going to pull the gender card here and say, he's a guy and doesn't necessarily think about these things, LOL.  But I really found the man of my dreams here.  It is an honest and true feeling.  His words just fill my heart with happiness and love.  It's just something that I have never felt before.  And it's something that I never want to let go of <3