Honestly, this is a more personal post for me than anything else. My life is crumbling before my eyes. I have had to make the decision to leave my graduate studies program that I was attending for multiple different reasons, but the last straw was that one of my teachers has decided that I was not ready to be a teacher and student teach and took it upon herself to go to other faculty in the program and it was agreed to fail me in one course so I would not be ready to student teach in the Spring. This leaves me with tens of thousands of dollars of debt for nothing.
This also leaves me with a boyfriend who doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. Long distance is never easy. It is especially not easy when he spent months prepping for the Bar Exam and I spent the rest of my summer crazy busy. However, when you live in the Northeast United States, you learn that summer is short and winters are long and that you need to enjoy the summer while you can. However, this does not leave time to go visit your boyfriend who is now 6+ hours away from you instead of 2 1/2. This has been a struggle that has been incredibly painful and honestly taking a terrible toll on us. And as hard as I try to not let it, it just is. Even though I can do nothing about it. Especially since I go back to work on Thursday.
And now, I will go back to crying myself to sleep because I don't know what is happening with my life. Maybe I'm not meant to ever be in a relationship. Maybe I am destined to spend my life alone. Maybe I just shouldn't be alive. Maybe I am really a nobody and a nothing. My life plans have never really worked out. Maybe this is just a continuation with that.
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