When You Aren't Physically There

So, I have learned a lot over the last few months about how difficult it is to be in a long distance relationship as well as how difficult it is to be in a relationship with someone with a physical disability.  One of those difficulties is not being able to physically be there when something is wrong.  Or, even not knowing that something is wrong.  Yes, there are usually warning signs of some sort.  However, you never truly know if something is wrong if you aren't told.  And when your main form of communication is through texting, trying to find out if something is wrong isn't always the easiest. 

One thing that I have not experienced with legalquad yet is an Autonomic Dysreflexia episode.  AD is a fairly common occurrence among persons with higher levels of spinal cord injuries.  It is scary though, and can be potentially life threatening.  If left untreated or the cause is not determined, it can ultimately result in death from high blood pressure, so it is not something to joke around with.  It is honestly what scares me the most of anything.  And believe you me, Legalquad and I have had many conversations about it and my worry.  

Even though I have no witnessed an AD episode, I have talked to him just before and just after a couple of them.  And truthfully, they just scare me.  But I need to know about them also.  For me, it is an important aspect of our relationship and the distance to know these things.  Even though it kills me to know that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to help him. And maybe it is my over-sensitivity to the AD episodes that has made it where he didn't want to tell me about these episodes.  He had an episode today that was apparently quite severe.  And I didn't know.  I knew that something wasn't right today, but I didn't know what.  He just wasn't talking to me this morning/afternoon.  I didn't know why.  Honestly, the selfish part of me thought that he was angry with me because I went to bed last night without Skyping.  OK, maybe the more paranoid part of me.  But it's part of why communication is so much of a key factor.  Because I don't know these things.  I'm glad that he is OK though.  Even though he opted to try to protect me from it all, in fear of scaring me away, I'm just upset about the way he went about it.  

And of course I'm upset about the fact that I can't physically be there for him either.  It is the part of the ldr that breaks me the most.  Because we both have times where we just need each other, and I can't do anything about it.  But it breaks my heart when he tries so hard to protect me from it also.