Difficult Few Weeks

This has been an incredibly difficult couple of weeks for Legalquad and I.  He has decided that he doesn't want to do this blog.  It is difficult for him when it comes to writing.  He has no voluntary use of his hands.  Because he is a C5 quad, the only functional movement he has in his arms are his shoulders and biceps.  He cannot feel the outside of his arms at all, can feel his biceps and just below a little.  So, when it comes to typing, it is not exactly doable.  He does use Dragon dictation.  That is how he has done his work for school all these years.  For everything else, he usually uses his iPad and iPhone.  Apple is very much accessibility friendly.  So, for him to try to do this blog, it was just taking too much time that he doesn't really have/didn't really feel like investing in this.  So, we have a Tumblr blog also that he more or less will run.  

Things have been difficult between us.  Obviously since he is home, he is spending time with his family, which is great.  But, I am honestly a little jealous.  I'll get over it.  But it is taking a toll on our relationship.  We haven't seen each other in 2 months, and that is killing me.  We will celebrate Christmas together in a couple weeks.  A couple of weeks ago I decided that I was going to try to be nice and buy him new wrist braces.  He wears them all the time and prefers to have stiff wrists instead of floppy wrists.  Well, the velcro that were on his braces were giving out and the braces were virtually useless.  So, I order braces online that I thought were the same as what he had.  They weren't.  And these ones have latex in them.  Guess who's allergic to latex?  If you guessed Legalquad, you're right.  So, this caused him to break out and one of the hives opened up, so now he has a small open sore on his arm from me.  I was a mess.  I just kept saying that I broke my boyfriend.  I felt (and still feel) incredibly guilty.  That guilt is just eating me alive.  I ordered new (and correct) ones this time, and he should have them Tuesday when he gets to school.  It will make me feel better once he is using those instead of the ones that have latex.  His dad was angry about it, and his mom was concerned of course.  And watching all of them flipping out didn't help how I felt about everything.  And honestly, I just keep replaying that night in my head.  

I feel just very distant from everyone right now.  I know that it's me.  But I just feel like I'm at a loss lately.  This time of year is hard for me.  And that is part of the problem.  I get on Skype and barely talk, because of the depression.  And I just feel so guilty about everything.  I just feel very alone, and the distance between us (physical distance) isn't helping at all.